still taking it each day, each moment, each glimmer of that sweet 2 year old boy that is in that angry little body. he took a very very long nap this afternoon and it was like a reset button. he was smiley and sweet, funny and interactive. i think I needed to see this boy more than he needed to be that boy, it reminded me that there is hope. I have to remember it's 2 steps forward and sometimes 1 step back. the more time we are with him the better it will be.
Chris and I watched a dvd that his last foster mom put together for him of photos of his foster home and spanish music, and things made a bit more sense. there's a part of my that is grateful to this family for taking in my little boy and loving him until he could go to his forever home, and there is a part of me that is angry with them. angry that they didn't tell him he wasn't going to be there forever, angry that he didn't arrive to Chris with the photo album we sent down, with pages marked (clearly) for his future, angry that they weren't truthful about many things when he was dropped off. I think the thing that made me the most sad was the photo of him holding a teddy bear, but it not coming to the US with him. Having some sort of transitional object would have been so much better than just dropping him off with the clothes on his back and a bottle that Chris threw away it was so dirty. Yes I understand there is a reason that he is no longer in GT, but I also wish that our coordinator would have been more present in ensuring his emotional needs were being met as well. Or that my agency here in Portland would have had better contact with GT and gotten the truth, not just what Cindy chose to tell her. 7 homes in 2 years is not okay. I guess my place with Skye right now is angry and moving forward.
Some very sweet things he did tonight was let me give him the bottle at bed time and then would put his arms around me and put his forehead against mine. Watching him race around the house like a maniac and giggle every time one of us chased him. Playing ball with him and watching him do goofy things like try and throw it to me with his eyes closed.
Forrest continues to just be a shining light. yes Skye has his light as well, but it's a bit harder to see right now. Forrest is adjusting as well. 7 days ago it was just him and mama, and now it's him and this kid who sometimes is nice to him and sometimes screams in his face. I can see the confusion going on, and can only hope that he continues to roll with the punches. He was more sensitive today to Skye's energy, it was a reminder to me to project calm and clear within the house, so Forrest doesn't get connected into my own head spins. He takes such delight in the simple things like clapping his hands, smashing 2 blocks together, getting his tummy tickled. It's a crack up. He is also growing up so quickly. He is less and less a baby every day, and more and more a little boy. I can see his brain putting things together and it's truly amazing.
sometimes I wonder if I'm going to share this blog with either of the boys, or use it for myself to look back on the process we all went though to make our family. who knows. what I do know is it's late and I'm tired.
I will try and figure out how to get some photos of both boys up in the next day or so, it's just that we're living in the hurricane and sometimes the small stuff get's lost.
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