No harm meant

I just want to clarify some things that were written in my blog a few days ago, because my words hurt some people - without meaning to. When I was talking about family, there was no intention to disregard or ignore my blood family - or more specifically my mom, sister & brother. To me, my connection with them doesn't need explanation, all you have to do is see us together to know we are a family. In my eyes this is the "easy" family to identify, because this is who so many see as real family. By talking about other types of family, I was simply sharing other parts of my life and my self.

I have been connected to my Tulen family for over 20 years and they are as much a part of my family as those who share my DNA. As the mother of an adopted son, I feel it's so important for him to see and understand that it's not just DNA that connects a person to his family, it's shared experiences and feelings of love. The sharing of joy, sorrow, fun, laughter, jokes, meals, training, and so much more. To me, this "other" family that I have is as connected to me as my blood family. It would be disregarding them if I didn't talk about them. And it many ways it would be devaluing my 3 year old as not "mine" if I saw family as only those who are connected to me by blood.

I hope those who felt disregarded understand that there was no low intention by my previous post, and if there are please accept my heartfelt apologies. Sometimes when I blog, actually always when I blog, it's whatever is forefront in my brain at that exact moment and usually I write it and then post it, without looking at it later.

sick boys, missed parties, and trips to seattle

This is all happening within the next 24 hours. I slept in today (if someone told me before I had kids that sleeping in would be until 8:30 I would have laughed!) and woke up to Chris telling me that Forrest had puked all over him this morning. He said at first he panicked because the vomit was red, and then realized that it was because he'd eaten raspberries last night!

Our friend Marshall was having a 2 year old birthday party today and we had to cancel because we didn't want any of the kids to get this illness. Even though Skye is so far symptom free, he could blow at any minute. I am so bummed missing this party. We see Marshall (and his mama Tabitha) at lease once a week and we were so looking forward to going. We'll just have to see them later this week!

We are supposed to take the train to Seattle tomorrow to go see a baseball game (thanks Bro for the tickets!) but now everything is on hold. My dear sweet husband very rarely has a strong opinion about things, but he said to me that if either of the boys are remotely sick there is NO way he is getting on a train with him. Cross your fingers that we can make it - if not that hotel room is gonna cost us big time! At least I have friends in Seattle who we can gift the tickets to and offer them a night in a hotel. Someone might as well use it! We'll see. If we do make it, I'll be sure and post photos of us hootin' it up in Seattle. If we don't then I'll post photos of the sick little boys. Hopefully this is something short and quickly moved through. Damn kids, why can't they tell you how they are feeling? ha ha ha.

Life is weird. That is all I really have to say right now.

I know I promised months ago!

These are loading in a weird manner, but here are some recent photos of my life:

Forrest has taken to wearing my shoes an clomping around the house.

This handsome dork is my little brother, out for a visit from Chicago

(unfortunately no photos of his lovely girlfriend Jen.)

My older sister Kristen and her partner Kenny.

Skye hanging out on the pool during the hot few days.

Skye after too much italian ice at a concert at Mt. Tabor (and before I shaved his head!)

Forrest showing off his blue eyes.

Stacking his best friends on the stairs.

Skye giving me the "what are you looking at Lady?" look.

Enjoy!

Months go by and everything changes!

I could write for days about the past 4 months. Tell stories, share triumphs, extoll tragedies, and so much more. But if I were to do that I would be on here for hours and you don't really want to read all of that, now do you?

Today was the final of the world cup in South Africa, seeing Spain defeat our beloved Netherlands 1 - 0. It was a sad end to such a triumphant cup for the boys in orange, and we had fun regardless. Forrest slept through most of the game, Skye was the showman that he always is. After the game he spent close to an hour just playing with my teacher Mas Goeroe Janesa, and wowing her with the amazing physicality that he possesses. Forrest of course kind of ran around in circles.

Today, well today was the end of a few days actually, of thinking about what exactly is family. How do you define those that you call family? What are the binds that create them, what are the things that break those binds? What does family mean in your life? In my life? In the world as a whole? As many of you know I have been estranged from my father since I was basically 10 years old. We reconnected when I was in my 20's, but soon drifted apart again. I have not heard from him in close to 15 years, and then out of the blue I get a friend request from my dad (you gotta love technology!). What I found most powerful was that instead of it spinning me out into a panic state (like it did for many years between 16 - 26), it gave me pause for thought. To respect my father I will keep most of those thoughts out of this blog - no they aren't all negative, but I feel many of these questions need to be asked of him directly before I spill them out to the cyber universe. What I will say is the thoughts mainly led to "how will reconnecting with him, and my extended family, impact my sons?" No real thought for me and what impact it would have on me, but how will my sons feel about this? How will they feel if their grandfather comes into their lives and then suddenly disappears again? Is this important for them? I did accept the friend request, and have subsequently sent out a request to my step-sister, and basically have put it out to the universe. At this stage it is in his hands, my dad's not God's, how this proceeds forward.

But back to family. Today I was surrounded by those that I view as my family, even though not a one of us shares any DNA. My teammates were here, people who have seen me at the absolute best and horrifying worst and still love me the same. My mama friend and her family, who is becoming a better friend every day and is someone I'm excited for my boys to grow up knowing. And of course my teacher Janesa. There are no words to describe what this woman is to me - mother, sister, friend, teacher, confidant, torturer. What I can say is when she is around I am home. She has been in my corner since I was in my early 20's, has pushed me through some of the hardest things I have EVER faced in my life, and is just a phone call away if I am ever in need. She is my family, the root of who I am. And that root extends out to all my tulen family. I don't write/talk much anymore about my training, not because I'm not actively practicing right now, but because there is no way to describe what this community means to me. I have other connections and friends, but this is my core.

Lately I have been feeling called back to Tulen to train, and the call has been welcome. It's not that I've ever "quit" training, but it's been a challenge finding the time with all the change in my life. And honestly it's been hard to figure out who I was in connection to my training. Those answers are coming, and instead of pushing I am just letting them float to me through joy.

Life is a trip. Anything can happen to change what you think you know. Anything can happen that can change who you think you are. What I do know today, in this moment, in this space, is that I am surrounded by joy and family. As I listen to the quiet of my house as my sons are sleeping and my husband (truly the center of my joy and my rock through all things in my life!) watches some geeky thing on tv, the only thoughts that come to me is that I am blessed. There are so many things in the world that are wrong, but right here right now all is right.