has it really been 3 weeks?

Amazing how time flies when you are working your pants off. I had someone the other day make the statement, or at least started to say, that getting woken up at 5:15 am isn't that big of a deal when you aren't going to work. Um hello?! I may not be able to leave my house to "work" but trust me I am working. Harder than I even have in my life. And frankly I love it. Not every hour of every day, but what a gift to be the mom of these 2 little boys. They make me laugh all the time, as well as tear out my hair.

Forrest is going to be 1 in 4 days. I can't believe it's been an entire year. I jokingly said to Chris the other night, "wanna have another?" seriously, I can't see myself with 3, or even being able to afford more than 2, but there is such a sweetness to Forrest that I would love to have another one like him. Of course with my luck I'd have the devil child and rue that thought. Skye is improving daily. He's got his moments where he really pushes every limit and boundary, and then he's got these very sweet moments. The sweet definitely outweigh the nasty. It just seems like some days he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and is out to punish everyone. Luckily it's only about 1 time a week.

We've been to the zoo a number of times in the last few weeks. It's a great way to entertain the kids, I get a bit of walking exercise (which is good, especially if Chris and I keep getting the elephant ears when we go together), and the kids get to see some animals. Skye loves the fish, and had the crap scared out of him yesterday when one of the new cheetahs came right up to him face to face in the glass. He jumped backwards and grabbed on to me so fast, it was sweet and a little funny. He wouldn't budge for the life of us for some time after once he realized that he wasn't going to be eaten. I think that poor cheetah is just waiting for one of these little kids to become a snack.

I'm going to try and attach 2 videos from today. It's funny we had some very dear friends meet Skye last weekend - randomly ran into my teachers at sushi on saturday night - and Mas Goeroe Agoeng Barbara was so surprised at how little Skye is. I just smiled and said we're hoping he gets to 5.5 feet. People seem to forget that he's mayan, and little. I guess it's that big old spirit that makes him look so big. Trust me he's just a peanut. He's currently wearing 18 month clothes, and that's only b/c we need them to fit around his belly. We'd put him in 12 month clothes if they'd fit. Oh well.

Okay it's only going to be one b/c this is taking forever! If you have facebook, friend me and you'll see some of the others, that way I can load them and do other things while it's taking FOREVER!

Okay here are the videos. I'll try to be more mindful about updating, but we'll see...

As I said in the very first blog, this process is going to be a day by day event. I won't say this has been a good week, in fact it's had many more downs that ups. Luckily the week ended on a high note. I'm not sure what happened over the last 24 hours, but even Chris commented that Skye seems like a different person, and Forrest isn't a cranky little beast. I will say that for me I went to bed at 8:00 last night, and slept until Forrest awoke at 6:30 - well I actually got up at 3:30 to hold & nurse Forrest through a bad dream. I feel like a different person. Skye also wasn't challenging me as much as the days prior. Maybe it's that I have a appointment with my social worker to process all of this, maybe it's that my unemployment has finally been figured out, maybe it's that I acknowledged that I'm bummed I didn't go back to work this year (or more importantly I lost a job that I really liked). Frankly I think it's a mix of everything.

I didn't post a really wonderful thing from the other day b/c with all the hard stuff, the good gets lost in the mix. I have to remind myself that it's the positive stuff that's the saving grace, and the nastiness will be the moving through stuff. Anyway, I was in the kitchen doing something (probably dishes!) and I hear Forrest squealing and laughing, I look over and both boys are lying on the floor by the back door and Skye is tickling Forrest. They are both laughing up a storm and acting like brothers. I almost cried, but instead I cracked up right along with them. Of course as all 2 year olds do he pushed it too far and put Forrest into a head lock and sent him off crying, but it was one of those moments that gives me hope. The other amazing thing that has happened this week was at the block party. I didn't witness this, but it was reported to me by Chris and about 3 other neighbors. Forrest was upset about something while my neighbor Chris was holding him - can I just say that he is the best human with children I've ever met, too bad he's gay, he'd of been the best of dads! My Chris went over to him, at the same time Skye showed up with Forrest's water bottle. Without being asked, or even talked to, he heard his brother crying, found his water bottle and brought it to him. These are the precious moments that I hold on to when the days are bleak. There is such a kind, sweet, compassionate little boy in there. I feel so grateful when he comes out and says hi.

This is definitely a work in progress. I feel so lucky and taken care of by my friends and teammates. We have consistently had dinner brought to us every other night since Skye's arrival. My mom has come once a week and hung with Forrest so I can spend time with Skye. I just want to acknowledge all these people, because without them I know I wouldn't make it through this process:
Silvia - for organizing food, being a rock solid teammate, and always being there
Daniela - my friend, my confidant, my old punk buddy
Abi - who brought us the best dinner, including wine & dessert!
Peg - brought enough food for 3 dinners, wow
Tai - who signed up for 3 dinners almost in a row as school was starting
Anna B - not only for the wonderful dinner, but the frequent flier miles that got Chris to guatemala for free, and first class no less!
Amy - my neighbor who is becoming a friend and is such an inspiration with her 4 children, it gives me hope that I can handle 2.
Sandy (and Nancy) - who just keep coming by with food on random occasions b/c they have it, and it is soooooo good!
Julia - for such great spanikopita and friendship that is boundless
Rachel - your enchiladas were great, and your friendship is even better
Nong - not only is Calvin one of the cutest babies I know, this woman can cook! Her corn cakes have become a main stay in our household.
KK & SaSa & Isaac - dinner with you was so great, we love your calmness in parenting and our very long friendship
Tabitha - for food, friendship, mama-hood together, and all that other stuff. you rock sista!
Momza - you keep coming over and Forrest is finally not crying. I am so grateful for the time you take with your grandson so I can work with the other. I may not say it enough, but I love you tons!

There are other folks through the rest of the month, but these folks have been there so far. Can't wait to go see our friends Scott, Jamie, Natalya, & Tristan on Sunday. They've got a farm out in Oregon City and we are going to hang out there and have dinner. I miss having them as neighbors, but I gotta say our new 'hood is okay.

Okay gonna go watch tv with the hubby and take a moment.

facing the facts

Things have, as always, been up and down the last few days. The block party went well, although I did have to bodily carry Skye into the house when he didn't want to give up the scooter that one of the girls up the street let him use. It's so hard to give things that you really love back. Hopefully we don't have too many of these incidents.

Today, and yesterday, I had some rough incidents with Skye. Yesterday I had a friend come by, another mama friend, and I'm not quite sure what happened but he freaked out when she left. Sitting on the curb and screaming Mama! at her car driving away. I had to carry him into the house and then hold him. Meanwhile poor Forrest is melting down b/c his brother is screaming and I can't do anything but let him lie on the floor and cry b/c I'm worried that if he gets too close to Skye, Skye will whallop him. Also in the long run Forrest will bounce back much more quickly than Skye. The other sucky thing was when I decided to do an attachment check with Skye today. I gave him his bottle, as usual, but pressed him for eye contact during the bottle. He not only refused, but started to scream and then tear himself away. This is a HUGE red flag for me. No I don't think we've got a full blown attachment dx, but there are warning signs. I know he needs to be here for 3 months, at least, before we look at any "lables" but I also know that things aren't quite right. The general exhaustion I feel, and the incessant tugging at me that Skye does. Seriously, he will say mama 1000 times a day for no reason than to get my attention. It may seem funny until you hear it all day long.

Okay, gotta go Forrest is not crying himself back down, he's crying himself hysterical. Will this mama ever get a moments rest?

block party today!

Should be interesting to see how the boys do when our street gets blocked off, the neighbors are out eating and drinking, and there's a live band up the street. Hopefully we'll have a good time, if not it's right outside our door so we can tag team.

Had my friends Maria and Kate and their daughter Chase over yesterday for dinner. It was great to see them and good for Skye to have someone closer to his size to play with. She was willing to take him on regarding toys so it helped with the sharing thing. I think Forrest just liked to have someone else to follow around. Skye continues to do better and better with visitors. He didn't get nearly as panicked and was out and socializing very quickly. I really am in awe at what an amazing child this little boy is.

Forrest is 11 months old and will soon be a year. Where does the time go? How did my little one become such a little boy? I found video of him at 4 weeks yesterday and it was so sweet. It looks just like him and yet he's so different now. I'm blown away at the flight of time. He's such a sweet funny little one. Every day you can see him getting older and learning more and more. He's really working out this standing thing, many times I find him standing up all by himself, unsupported by anything, and looking so dang proud of himself. I truly love that little guy.

Okay gotta make corn fritters for the block party and get that pork marinating for the bbq. Enjoy today, and thank your local union for having today off and your 40 hour work week!

I thought I should upload some photos. I'm not very good with the layout, so please bear with my insane process. These are a few more from the month of August. I can't believe how BIG Forrest is getting. The family photo is the first - and only - whole family photo. We'll get more. I have more pictures on my phone, but can't find the usb cable - of course.

This is from the farmer's market that we've been going to on Thursday nights for dinner. Skye loves this place b/c he gets berries and gets to listen to live music and boogie down.

There is a splash pad at the park near our old house that we've been going to that Skye LOVES. He is very timid at first and then just goes hog wild.




























Forrest is so serious when he's playing outside. He's definitely smiling more in the past week, than the past month. I think he's getting used to having a big brother and sharing mama.