We have had some good days and bad days around here. My amazing counselor - who does pretty much counseling for adoptees and their parents exclusively - reframed some of the struggles I was having when we have bad days. Reminding me that even though we have good days, it is going to be a roller coaster and to prepare for the bad and rejoice in the good. Since I've started that things seem much smoother. When a bad day comes, I'm already prepped and ready to roll with it. When a good day comes, I am grateful for another good day. Funny how it's all in the perspective.
Forrest continues to grow and blossom into such a neat little boy. Today we had a HARD afternoon with Skye. Post nap he just wasn't able to pull it together, which happens sometimes, and I ended up doing a very long hold on him. It's the first time in a while that I've had to hold Skye when Forrest is around, and no one else is here. Forrest really tried to hold himself together. Finding Akbar, coming to sit at my feet and make eye contact with me so I could reassure him that Skye was just having a bad day. Finally he fell apart, crawled up on the couch, leaned into my side, hugged the monkey and just cried into my ribs. Total suck. It's hard enough when one boy is crying, and three times as hard when they are both crying. Thank god I was clear and calm enough to just tell them both I loved them, they were safe, it was okay to be sad, and mama was there to take care of them. Of course Forrest bounced back faster than his brother. He even got his sippy cup and shared it with Skye.
But here is the amazing part. After dinner, when Skye was still eating and F-dude was done, Forrest tooled around the house finding toys for Skye and giving them to him at the table. He started with Skye's monkey and then proceeded to find every toy in the house that he thought Skye would like. This is something that Skye has done in the past when Forrest was upset. The fact that he understood what a hard time Skye had had, and that he was able to try and make him feel better 90 minutes later just blows my mind. There is a sweetness to that one that I hope we can retain for the duration of his life. Chris and I both burst into tears during this episode and had to reassure Skye that we were okay.
Wow my life is a continual roller coaster. Most times I am grateful for the gifts that I have been given, but some days I just want to go back to having 1 child - which seems so funny that I thought 1 was so hard just a few short months ago! As far as we know Skye is staying, our counselor has talked with us about disruption, simply to let us know we don't HAVE to do this. Do we want to disrupt? Of course not. And there are many factors that go into that decision. I'm not really going to go into the details here, and will say at this stage our intention is to keep Skye in our home and family.
Each day is still a day by day process. Each day has it's gifts and challenges. The biggest blessing I have is a husband and partner who supports me through all of this and gives me the strength to face another day of questions and doubt with my head up and my eyes open.
