And away we go!

A lot is getting ready to change in the next 24 hours around here, and I'm both excited and totally stressed to see how it plays out. I have been recalled back to work, and am so excited to be going back to the work that I see as a part of who I am. At the same time there is that mama guilt of what the impact will have on leaving my sons a few days a week. Honestly I know this is the best thing for all of us. I am NOT a good stay at home mother and wife. Sure I can do it, and do it well, but I'm not full of joy. My teacher told me I am the most social person she knows and she is amazed that I have been able to be home for close to 2 years without a daily connection to adults. Now we are going to see how meshing the 2 parts of my life will play out.

Work is already interesting. I have been called back to a middle school, which I am not exactly going to jump up and down about. The real gift for this school is the counselor has been there for over 25 years and has been able to envision a real school counseling program, I know I will learn so much from her. The challenge right now is my hours. My initial contract with the district was for .6 fte, basically working 3 days a week. As a returning mom to the work force, this was a perfect schedule. Enough time away from the boys and at work to feel like I'm doing some good work, but enough time at home that I don't feel like someone else is raising my sons. I got a call a few weeks ago letting me know that due to budget cuts I was losing a day and would only be working .4 fte, 2 days a week. I'm not sure how this is really going to work for our counseling program. I have a call into my union, basically asking the question "how will cutting me a day and putting another counselor in 1 day a week going to keep the continuity of our program?" If a teacher was losing .2 of her fte, would she be able to bump a middle school teacher 1 day a week? Doubtful. Once again I am so lucky to have a strong union and a contract that may be able to protect me.

I just got back from a trip to southern oregon with the boys. Chris unfortunately had to cancel his part of the trip due to work issues. It was a hard trip, even though I was with my mom and sister I'm still primary caregiver to the boys and not really able to every just shut down - until they were asleep. Even though it was a lot of work, there was something very magical about having my sons at my family's cabin. My great-grandmother built the cabin in 1938, so the boys are the 5th generation to spend time in that cabin and throw rocks in the lake. Unfortunately I forgot my camera, so I'll have to get photos from my mom to share the joy.

Okay Skye is sitting on the floor screaming b/c he's lost the option of going down to the basement with Daddy & Forrest, so I should go hang out with him. I'll try to keep this up a bit better than once a month, but now that I'm a working mom, that may be more than I could do.